What if Jesus was married?

Knowing how women’s minds work, I almost feel sorry for Jesus had he decided to live a normal life and got married, had kids, and the like.

I can just see his wife saying….

What do you mean you were wandering in the desert for forty days? Don’t give me that fake story about not eating or drinking for forty days and being tempted by Satan. I think you must be having an affair but you are too dumb to come up with a convincing lie. You mean that other woman was not cooking for you?

The other day I heard that you asked a certain Samarian woman for water. Does it mean that our tap has run dry for you to go begging for water? I

figure out that you were not actually after any water… you had your own
designs. Why ask her about her husband……

And what about that woman who touched you (your shirt) and felt well? Hee! She felt good! Where did she feel good?! Answer me! Where?! How? I also need to feel good….! I swear if I catch you cheating I’m leaving and I’m taking the kids with me. Then eventually you will have to face my father and the whole cabinet of our clan.

I wish you would just settle down and get a career instead of just hanging out with your band of twelve losers. You used to be a great carpenter. What happened to that?

At least you used to be able to put food on the table when you had a job.

You need to grow up and take responsibility for your family. You have been bragging around that you fed some five thousand people with only some few loaves of bread and two pieces of fish when your family here is suffering from malnutrition.  Eti “magic”!? What magic?

Can’t you perform that magic in our matrimonial home and give us food enough to eat for a lifetime? Give us a good house, and ornaments; give us riches.

Not going around and feeding other people with borrowed or begged food.

I think that you have been taking me all along for a ride. I don’t need a hippie for a husband! You spend all day with those twelve guys and sometimes you are gone for weeks on end.

You don’t spend enough time with me neither with the kids. I need to feel loved. Where did the romance go? Sometimes I think you put your god and disciples before me.

I need to feel like I am number one in your life.

And by the way, I don’t like how one of your buddies look at me. It’s your boy Judas. He keeps coming around for apparently no reason. He kept popping in every few days when you were gone for those forty days.

He gives me the creeps. You need to check on the homies you move around

with….

This is a joke. Take it as that