The world of dating
seems more complicated than ever. It is ironic that while the development of
online communications has made the world smaller, communication has also become
more complicated. For example, when asking someone out on a date is it
appropriate to text message or should one call?
Text Messages
Text messages are great
ways to connect without saying too much. They are great for flirting and can
even be used to confirm details, but unless a couple has been dating awhile,
they should never be used to ask someone out. In fact, the impact of text messaging
on dating is a generational one. Teenagers are more likely to use text
messaging to keep in touch with their friends and love interests, set up
appointments and make dates. Couples in their 20s and 30s are more likely to
use text message for quick notes than for communication or making plans. So if
looking for a good rule of thumb, ask for dates over the phone or in person,
leave text messages for flirty notes and confirmations.
Body Language
Men are not women. Say
again: Men are not women. Non-verbal communication is very important, and
learning to understand a man's body language begins by not assuming he is
communicating like a woman. Women lean forward when they are interested in what
someone has to say, men focus their gaze. When a man stares steadily at a
woman, he's interested in what she is saying and what she is doing. Men are far
more visual than women, so his non-verbal cues that he is interested are going
to be more visual. If he's making strong eye contact while you're talking, then
yes, the body language says he's interested and wants to know more.
Chatty Kathys
It's a stereotype that
women are talkers; men can be just as talkative. Beware the man who competes
with every story that's told. If someone tells a story about a ticket they got
once, he's got two stories and his are bigger, better and funnier. Beware of
this guy, because he's a little insecure. He's talking sometimes just to fill
the silences and because he worries that if he's not entertaining, that others
will lose interest. While he may be a charming, fun and entertaining guy, he
can also take a lot of ego stroking to keep happy.
Should I use dating
services?
No easy answer exists
for this question. Dating services have a track record for making matches, or
at least getting the ball rolling. Modern women are very busy, and using a
dating service might help them cut down on the amount of time that they need to
invest to meet potential dates. Services like eHarmony do the matching for the
potential dating prospects and then present the matched candidates.
According
to their advertising materials, they have a good track record for making love
matches and they offer some financial guarantees. If going the dating service
route, stick to the reputable dating services, and if the offers seem too good
to be true, they probably are. Don't forget to always practice safety and
caution when meeting anyone for the first time.
How Many Dates
One mistake that women
make when launching a new relationship is immediately establishing the criteria
that the man must meet to determine if he is "the one." Women who
start a relationship with this high expectation are inevitably doomed to
disappointment. A relationship between a man and a woman cannot be measured in
number of dates.
For some couples, it happens in one date and for others it can
take a year or more. If a woman doesn't let a relationship evolve naturally
through the stages, but constantly measures his level of interest, it will
cripple the relationship. Beware projecting expectations on others--women who
do this run the risk of falling in love with love and not with the man they are
dating, which is not fair to either person.
Dating should be about
two people spending time together and enjoying each other. It should be about
exploring shared interests and developing new ones. Dating should be about
companionship and becoming friends. If romance blossoms, that makes the dating
that much sweeter.
Modernmom
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