- You have relatives in
mombasa , eldoret, nakuru, embu and practically every town in kenya.
- 10 - 30% of your family lives outside kenya
- Going to shags 5-10 times a year seems pretty
normal.- 10 - 30% of your family lives outside kenya
- And when you were young your dad could leave you in shags for a week and go back to city/town.
- Your dad RIGHT NOW is putting up flats in syokimau /kitengela/kiserian/githurai/komarock.
- Your bro owns a mathree, plot and butchery
- Your mum hates your dad's relatives!!
- You find it normal to input kiuk words in swahili/english conva, keria, keroro, ngiri (I was to meet that guy at kedo 3 o' clock. Ehh si the guy comes and starts bringing wanaa. And this is a guy i've known since tene'e. He's telling me ati those warus and minjis he bought from me have spoilt. Ngai!!! What nonsense is this?)
You've practically made non-kiuks around you do the above.
- You have dated/are dating/ or are planning to date a kamba girl (for the guys)and Luhya guys (for chics)
a) you don't have an english name and get pissed off at people asking 'Haiyaa. You don't have an english name?'
ORb) you have an english name that is john, david, peter, james, daniel, joseph, kevin, robinson, davidson, peterson, ebenezer, eustace, washington, wilberforce, phillistine and calistolovich (for the guys) and sarah, esther, mary, josephine, margaret, gloria, elizabeth, eunice, faith, purity, joy or rahab (for the chicas)
- a funeral is completed in half a day and people leave immediately back in city/town for school/work.
- There's almost always nduma and ngwaci at home
- If u got surprised when you learnt that 'cucu' and 'guka' are not swahili words.
- You have a socialist revolutionary in your family who wears these shirts,(see below) has a name like nderitu wa gathanga and he'll never tire talking about evil white people and african pride.
- if 60% of your male rela's own a leather jacket, a pickup (mostly white in colour though the Toyota DX is also becoming a hit) and taking a vacation is considered a dangerous rumour
Having numerous, sometimes out of date calendars because they have nice pictures, having at least one moneyplant in your house, having a wall unit with all your plates displayed in your living room, sorry, sitting room.
This is a joke. Take it as that
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